Remember how your parents would constantly say “listen to me” or “what did I say?”. Well that advice is back to haunt you. We all think we are good listeners, after all we have two ears. I would say in practice we don’t hear everything everyone says or understands what they are not saying. Why is this important?

Do you want to be a great leader? Do you want to be a trusted resource? Do you want your employees to listen to you?

Yes – then how do you start? By listening.  I mean really listening not just hearing the words and shaking your head.  I mean actively listening to hear what the person is saying and possibly what they are not saying. Listening without thinking of your response or getting defensive. Think about the last time you spoke with another person and you felt they weren’t listening. How did make you feel about yourself and about them? Do you want to do the same to the person talking to you?

You have to truly listen to someone to understand them and their thought process. Only with this information can you lead them, they can trust you and they will listen to you. It’s not about you at the beginning, it’s about them – the benefit of this is that in the long run it will return to being about you.

Having young kids I have learned (the hard way) that listening is not a natural skill but a learned one.  We are easily distracted, eager to contribute to the conversation, or worse – tune out. Listening takes effort – a conscious effort to hear the words, understand the point someone is trying to make and not interrupt.

Think about the last time someone came to talk to you, see if you answer these questions: What was the conversation about? Did they finish their story? Did they mention anyone else? What did they need from you? Did you ask any follow up questions?

Go back to that same conversation – and try to answer these questions. Can you tell me if they used sight words (see, look, visual), auditory words (hear, sounds) or kinesthetic words (hands on, do it, let me try)?  Why does this matter, this tells you how a person learns and how they like to process information. If you are listening to a person, within a five minute conversation you should know this. This is how you get them to understand you by using the same words they do. If they need to see something in order to understand it, show them don’t just talk about it. If you want to talk about it, make sure you have an auditory person. The kinestetic person is a hands-on learner and you will have to have them try it for themselves first.

When people know you are interested in them and not just getting your point/opinion across – they will respect you, appreciate you and most of all, they will listen to you! Only with this can you start building trust with those around you.

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Give me your thoughts – I’m listening!